Don’t let them play with your FMLA.

It was the COVID era, and hindsight clearly shows that my daughter wasn’t a “problem child.”

She was getting an obstruction due to scarring.

Labs don’t show that.

There was no clear indication beyond me knowing it in my bones something was wrong.

This is not how kids act.

This is not how MY kid acts.

I needed time to find answers. So, for the first time ever, I requested extended FMLA leave.

Not, “I’ll work but take a day here and there,” like I had done before.

No more juggling. I had already done too much of that and I was worn out.

This was going to be actual leave. Promised days in a row off to do what FMLA says I was allowed to do:

Take care of my family.

The paperwork was submitted.

Then I got a call to meet with my boss’s boss.

“How about you take this other job on campus and you can take days as you need to?”

For personal reasons, I took it.

My job was a hot mess.  I had recently been promoted with no raise, and it was looking more and more like a bad move to stay put.

The workload wasn’t the same, and it was only promised to get bigger and harder.

So I took the other job.

I should have gone straight to an attorney.

But I didn’t have dollar signs in my eyes.

I had my sick girl to take care of.

I forced it to work.

When she was better, I did seek legal counsel.

They couldn’t take the case because the time to file a complaint was long gone.

And that’s when I really understood what I wish I had understood before I agreed to anything.

When you submit an FMLA request and your employer comes back with a different arrangement, you need to know exactly what is happening to your original request.

Is it approved?

Is it being denied?

Is it being changed?

And why?

Get that answer in writing.

Keep copies of your paperwork.

Keep the emails.

Document the conversations.

And if something doesn’t feel right, talk to an actual attorney.

Not just HR.

HR may administer the policy, but they are not your attorney.

I learned that the hard way.

Because when you’re sitting in an office, exhausted and scared, trying to figure out how to take care of your sick kid without losing your job, you aren’t necessarily thinking about legal strategy.

You’re thinking about your kid.

This wasn’t some rinky-dink company.

This was a state institution.

A state institution that knew better.

We—well, they—had annual required trainings on FMLA and how to treat people going through life experiences.

I attended them for years.

It was required of every employee.

That didn’t matter.

I didn’t matter.

Looking back, it felt like a bait and switch.

And it should not have happened.

So, if you are a mom sitting in an office wondering whether you are asking for too much while your child is sick?

You are not asking for too much.

You are asking to understand what you are entitled to.

Go find out exactly what that is.

Be the change I couldn’t be.

And one more thing.

My dad used to tell me that people love to kick you when you’re down.

His dad told him that.

I didn’t believe him.

I should have.

Turns out, some lessons take a lifetime to understand.